I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Randomize
