saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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