Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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