wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
