in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
