You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
