His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
