i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
