felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize