She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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