I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
