the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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