Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
