I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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