Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
