Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
