Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
