tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
