If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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