One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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