Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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