Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
