My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
