Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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