I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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