He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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