apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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