Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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