I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
