so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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