Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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