Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
