I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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