But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
