one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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