when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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