she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
