literally had 100 drinks last night.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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