You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
