Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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