Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
