I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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