u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
