New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
