He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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