i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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