she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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