are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
