saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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