How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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