did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Where is the hickey?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
