he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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