he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
