i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
