What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
