hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
