You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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