I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
