Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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