I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
