Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
