A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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