And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
