I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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