I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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