do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
