Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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