He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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