Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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