I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
