Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
